exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
