I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
