The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We talked him into tasing himself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
