You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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