drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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