I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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