So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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