Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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