there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
