Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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