Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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