Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sex in a hospital.. check
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
