Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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