mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize