So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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