I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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