Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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