walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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