Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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