If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
