Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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