I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you would pick up someone in the library
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
