it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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