she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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