Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize