Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
