i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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