We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
