So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
