So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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