Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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