I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize