youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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