Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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