I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
