I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
