Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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