Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
