And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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