he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
