I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I forget how to act sober
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
