Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
