gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
