And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
