How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
