I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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