I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
