Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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