so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize