is your mom at the bar?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
