i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
