Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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