Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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