The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
