So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
