she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
