she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
