I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
