good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
