the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
its liver damage thursday
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
