This dress was meant to end up on your floor
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
