Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
