I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
