he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
