Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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