When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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