Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
