I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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